On the freeway in a rented car, SVW reads a sign:
"AMBER ALERT WHITE SEDAN LIC PLATE 9937 AJ OR 9937 OJ". Are we in a white sedan? We are in a white sedan. That is not good.

I love that geese are born with clown horns. It makes them the funniest bird.
- Tom R.

(There was much urinating in the Great Salt Lake while we were shooting, as base camp was 25 minutes away. I started to think it was lame.)
Byron: I need to pee.
Bette: Hold it in like the girls have to do all day.
Derek: Yeah, that's what I do.
Bette: Grow up and be a girl.
Derek: Yeah, be a girl like Babetta and I!

Bette: Hey look! My fly is down!

Jennie: I enjoyed it.

Bette, has anybody ever told you you look like a little dinosaur?
- Phil Goodwin

"They, like Ewan and Nicole are maybe going to get together in a Come What May kind of thing."

"Improve the shining moments. They all shine, but it's a matter of perception."

"I don't know anything about Greek or Latin, except that part in School of Rock where they talk about Latin."

"I hate my body. I hate my life. There's no potential for me. Edward, Edward, Edward."

"People are especially dumb about books. Which is ironic."

"I was about to say something unnecessary about Miley Cyrus."

"You cannot skip the journey, it's what we're living for."

-Dean D.

"I'm pregnant. It's yours."
-Alex C.

"It's like... Pearl Harbor. It's been...whatevered. You know. Sadness."
-Babetta (describing the synopsis of J. Schwarz's movie)

"I think the Nazis ruined it for me..."
-Babetta

He's a deek. Sorry, that's a combination word.
- Tom Russell

Tell all of my new Mormon friends they win the Stanley Cup of praying!
- Margot Kidder

Hot dog! Hot dog hamburgers! That's a phrase that I say.
- Tom R.

I'm replacing that country with one that makes sense. Cambodia is now England.
- Tom R.

"Dangit. I hate when I can't use my Iron Man words of advice."

"He's cool, I'd make films with him, just not..."
"Babies?"

-girl in my ward

Tom R: John's a handsome man. Isn't he a handsome man?
Me: He is a handsome man.
Tom R: Now Derek isn't the most handsome man here. How does it feel, Derek, to be like the rest of us mere mortals?
Derek: I feel like...I wanna go get some yogurt.
Tom R: Yeah. Exactly. Now you know how I feel. I want yogurt all the time.

I was sitting on the curb at the MPS trying to get internet when Tom Lefler comes walking out the door.
T.Lef: What are you doing out here? Don't you want to go sit inside?
Me: Oh, I'm trying to get internet.
T.Lef: Can't you get that sitting on a couch?
Me: Oh, I'm fine. I feel more at home out here on the streets.
T.Lef: Really?! All right... I'll remember that.

He probably will too.

While they are setting up a shot, Tom turns to me and says:

I feel...like...I should be able to dance...but...I can't.
(A pause, then quietly)
Dammit, I can't!

"you guys, her lips are bigger than my head."

-c. branning

"they've got 60 seconds left. that means ten minutes!"

-child actor

"if we do everything properly and don't chit-chat afterwards we should be able to get 8 hours of sleep."

-t. morrill

"I think they need bigger plates"
-Diana

Diana: Put them on him while he's sleeping.
Me: Um....

"Wait, you came at night?"
"Yeah."
"2 in the morning or in the afternoon?"
"In the morning."
"Okay, so, like 2am?"
-Kelsie


Jennie: So is it warm there?
Kelsie: Uh..
Jennie: Not like the weather...the people.

Derek says something make-funnable. About 30 seconds later...
Tom: 'Moted! Oh, I said "'moted", but I said it too late!

Mamadukes Kelly: So, are you going to rob some more dead today?
(translations: Are you going to work on For Robbing the Dead some more today?)

We only got 7 pages to save the world.
- Laurence Laws

That's why we have each other. And Jeff Parkin.
- Lawsy

"I can only play one character...Whiny."
-Jace

Tommy R: That was a good one.
DP: She wasn't even aiming for there! She was aiming for here!
TR: Yes, but she hit you in the head, which means God was on her side.

"Vomit fireworks!"
-Babetta

"Sorry I pushed you...But next time I really will hit you."
-Tom Russell

"My buddy's former step father just got out of prison and he's looking for someone to go to LA with next weekend. He's 41. Did I mention that he's single?"
-Jeff Hill

me: glee...i'm surprised you haven't heard of it. it's like high school musical, you'd love it.
devin: is it on disney?
me: no
devin: well, that's why i haven't heard of it.

"gummi bears were made for spooning"
-Babetta

Doesn't mean I don't want to be your friend, I just won't.
- Ben Unguren (on facebook friend invites)

Lawsy: naw, let the vomit live
(After I said I should probably stop with my constant vomit comments.)

Taylor: to make the duck story sadder... supposedly the daddy duck was sitting there quacking for a while after I killed his mate
me: awwwwwwwwwwww
Taylor: yeah... if that duck goes to duck heaven I am probably going to duck hell

"Man, you guys were in way cooler wombs than I was."
-Jon Bell

"On an unrelated note, did you know "Dammit I'm mad" is a palindrome?"

-JP

"Although, really, you do just buy stuff and throw it in the back of your car and call it a day."
-Alex (on my production design style)

and also

me: but he does wear carrrrrrrrdigans.
*Drool*
i've got to stop talking about men like objects
<--worst

Alex: Pretty much. I see now that we're just slabs of sweatered meat to you.

"Laws, you just got kicked out of the class."
-Derek Pueblo

Me: That was a joke.
Babetta: Well, it wasn't funny. If it was I would've laughed.

I don't know. Do I have time to commit to three hours of puppy?
- Laws

I like the term spooning. I think it's cute, but not Spoon Me. That's gross. I don't even know you.

-Brynn on frozen yogurt places

Babzy: What if I said change your profile picture or I'll stab you?
J Mag: That'd be good.

Hey! That dog inspired a town! What town have you inspired?
- Lawsy

Lawsy: Where is his home?
Tess: Heaven.

Bright Star: "She only knows how to flirt and sew."
L: ".... like they teach you in Young Women's!"

Bette: Oh, Lawsy. What are we gonna do?
Lawsy: I don't know. Keep calm and carry on....or spaz out and take action...one of the two.

Can we make a movie that called, "Dear Men, Man Up!"?
- Lawsy

I'm done with boring and weird...unless it's meant to be, ya know?

And I mean not creep like a creeper but creep like a sneaker.
- Lawsy

(again half asleep-facing into the couch)
Lawsy: ...(mumbling, mumbling) the worst.
Bette: What's the worst?
Lawsy: Are you talking to Jennie?
Bette: Yes.
Lawsy: Tell her she's the worst.
Jennie: I know I'm the worst.
Lawsy: Wait is she here?
(Lawsy turns and discovers that Jennie is indeed in the room.)

"Here's the thing about life: you can look at the bottom and it's oozing out!" (On choosing chocolates)
- Lawsy

Lauren Merkley: We're in central Virginia.

Phil Goodwin: Oh. I thought you said sensual Virginia. Well...Virginia is for lovers.

I'm mean and it's nice.
- Lawsy baby

Lauren loud and clear, though sleeping: Potatoes? What?

Is it just me or does that picture of Brigham Taylor remind you of Will Ferrell?
-Brynn

Oh no! I stole a hair band from the temple! I'm going to hell!
- Lawsy

I struggle with a love...for the breakfast sandwich.
- Asia Stryker

(Me sitting on floor outside of Tom's office.)
Dean: Did you fall down?

In an email from Tommy Russ:
"Once I hear from you, we'll either send this out to the talent or just toss it in the latrine and then call a plumber to help us get all that paper out of the latrine."

And then:
"Oh you are one smart earthling."

I just love the humans that I am surrounded by. Just sayin'.

"They were so cute! Why can't they just wed?"
-Babzy

Laws: Man, being around Jeff makes me want to swear all the time now... I was gonna say..."Damn that milk is good."
Bette: You just did.
Laws: It's not bad when I'm quoting my mind.

"Between all three of us we have like half a butt."

- Lawsy